


The Snape Incident

by buttsbeyondbutts



Series: Wolfstar Fix Fics [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Black Family, Canon-Typical Violence, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders' Era, Masturbation, Muggle Studies, Sirius Black's Prank on Severus Snape, Sloppy Makeouts, The Prank, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-02-23 16:00:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttsbeyondbutts/pseuds/buttsbeyondbutts
Summary: "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Remus demanded in a soft hiss, "Why not send everyone a damn howler about me while you're shouting it up and down the corridor?!"Sirius paled a little. "Moony-""Are you incapable of shutting up?!" Remus demanded.Sirius opened his mouth and shut it again, fearful of proving his point. His bright grey eyes flickered over Remus's face, then blinked softly. Remus could feel the cold breath of Sirius's exhale on his lips.He let go and took a step back, turning slightly away. "You can't fix this, Sirius. Do you even understand what you did? Forget almost getting us expelled, you nearly turned me into a murderer. You used me to mess with Snape like I was a damn wand. I trusted you and you used me for-" he shook his head. "You can't fix it. I don't want your help."





	1. Chapter 1

Sirius waited at the base of the Dark Tower, idly shooting sparks at summer flies. He’d never tell James but Quidditch drills were dull as hell. A game was one thing. In a game, you had a good chance of seeing somebody take a bludger to the face and you were almost guaranteed a broom crash. James was just trying to coach second years on flying in formation. With Remus tutoring Peter and James on the pitch, Sirius was left to his own, bored devices.

Not that Sirius minded being on his own. He spent most of the summer alone if he could manage it. In Grimmauld Place, he’d be content to hole up in the attic with a book but Hogwarts had set the bar just a bit higher.

One thing Sirius Black couldn’t stand was boredom.

Maybe that was why he caught Snape, sneaking up from the dungeons with his wand drawn. He had trouble tunnel vision as Remus was fond of saying. He twirled his wand between his fingers, sauntering out of the shadows.

“Alright, Snivellus?”  He barked, pleased at the way the greasy, git flinched at the name. Beady black eyes darted about, looking for the rest. The second he realized Sirius was alone, Snape pointed his wand.

“ _Levi-_ ”

“ _Expelliarmus!_ ” Sirius snapped, flicking Snape’s wand away from him. “Fuck’s sake, Snape, you should know me better by now.”

“You’re full of surprises tonight, Black. You’ve never had the nerve to attack on your own before.” The crack in his voice somewhat undercut the insults. “Where’s the rest of the trash?”

“I’m sure you’d like to know. Don’t think you’re subtle, sneaking around after Remus. What? Evans gave you the boot so you’ve settled on another out of your league Gryffindor?”

That stung. Snape snarled and looked like he might attack Sirius again, wand or not. That might be entertaining, muggle fisticuffs, but no, Snape was no such warrior. He’d rather hex you with your back turned.

“I know you’re up to something, you and that half breed scum! I’ve seen you lurking around the willow-”

 “Oh no, you saw us approach a tree.” Sirius clutched imaginary pearls around his neck. “Have you owled Dumbledore yet?”

“I’ll figure it out and when I do, you all be out of here.”

“And then you’ll be king of the school, won’t you, Snivvy?” Sirius snorted. “ ‘Cause that’s all that was standing in your way.”

They glared at each other for a long moment. Sirius never thought he could hate someone quite as much as he hated his family but Snape was so close. Some slime covered blood supremacist with the gaul to target his friends. To target Moony of all people. Couldn’t hold his own in the classroom or the halls so he’d set his shriveled little heart on getting Remus tossed out. “ _Petrificus Totalus_!” He flicked his wand and Snape’s arms and legs jerked together. He fell to the grass with a crunch. Sirius tossed Snape’s wand, next to him, just a couple feet from his greasy head. He thought about kicking him.

“You want to know about the tree, Snape? There’s a knot on the north side,” Sirius sneered. “Press that and the branches freeze. Just for about thirty seconds, but it’s long enough to slip down inside.”

Snape’s black eyes twitched in his skull. “I don’t recommend it for you though. Hate for that big, ugly nose to get chomped off. Your death eater friends might get confused.”

“Sirius!” James came up at a sprint. “What are you doing?!”

“Not sure yet.” He smiled as James reached them, still in his Quidditch gear. “Any ideas?” He aimed a swift kick into Snape’s frozen stomach.

“Why would you-” James glanced down at Snape, suddenly wary. “C’mon. Leave him.”

“Sure? We could-”

“Now, Sirius.” James snapped, refusing to be amused. He grabbed Sirius’s arm and dragged him to the castle.

“The hell are you playing at?” James hissed. “You told Snape about The Willow?! Snape!”

“Relax.” Sirius scoffed. “If anyone deserved a whooping, it’s that greasy git. Did you hear him on about Remus?”

“You think Remus wants Snape knowing about him?” James snapped. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Look, the Shack’s empty 29 days of the month.” Sirius said, suddenly uncomfortable. “Snape’s never getting passed those branches and even if he did, he’s not gonna find anything! He’ll stop sniffing around the tree and we’ll be fine. It’s fine.”

“You’d better hope it is.” James said with a backwards glance to Snape’s frozen form. “If Remus finds out-”

“You’re not gonna tell him.”

James shook his head. “He gets worried enough as it is. We’ll keep an extra eye out at the next moon and hope Snape doesn’t try anything.”

“Alright,” Sirius said. They slowed down to a walk once they’d reached the staircase to Gryffindor tower. “How’s Quidditch?”

By the time they reached the common room, James was animatedly describing the hopelessness of his new Chasers and Remus and Peter were contentedly snacking on chocolate frogs. Sirius didn’t think about Severus Snape for the rest of the evening.  

* * *

 

Snape used Wingardium Leviosa to get passed The Willow. Apparently, it took a couple of tries but the Slytherin was nothing if not persistent. He’d been watching the Marauders for some time and knew that Remus Lupin only disappeared on the full moon. He had waited until ten o’clock, when the thing was really full in the sky, before heading down to catch them.

He had never expected the Werewolf.

 _Not,_ Remus thought, as Dumbledore explained what happened in the hospital wing, _because the signs weren’t there. Because no one would ever imagine a werewolf allowed in a school full of children._

“We are extremely fortunate that no one was hurt. Mr. Potter arrived at the very extremely last second. I assume you told him about your affliction.”

Remus nodded. It was one of his final memories before the wolf took over completely. He’d been doubled over on the floor of the shack when Prongs suddenly shifted back into James. He swore and raced to the door, open just a crack. Remus caught a glimpse of pasty white skin and the Wolf smelled flesh.

Later, James would tell him that Padfoot jumped between them, stopping Remus from savaging his best mate, but Remus wasn’t in the mood to hear it.

“Well,” Dumbledore said, “an understandable, if foolish, impulse. Severus, of course, has been sworn to secrecy.”

“Am I expelled?” Remus’s voice cracked.

“Of course not, dear boy.” Dumbledore looked disturbed at the very question. “You, Mr. Black and Mr. Snape all behaved with extreme carelessness and you’ll receive consequences but removing you from Hogwarts is unnecessary.”

“Sirius?”

“Mr. Black confessed it was he who informed Mr. Snape on how to bypass the Willow.”

Remus felt like his insides had collapsed in on themselves. “Why?”

“It appears the enmity between Mr. Snape and Mr. Black grew beyond what any of us were aware of.” Dumbledore said in a dark voice. “He claims he only wished Snape to tangle with the Willow but-” he sighed deeply. “Did you also tell Mr. Black of your affliction?”

“He worked it out,” Remus said hollowly. Sirius had been the first to put it all together, half way through second year. More amazingly, he’d kept it to himself until he figured out the Animagus plan and brought James and Peter on board.

They were sitting in the common room, just the two of them, joking around with a game of exploding snap. Sirius was so casual. _Full moon tonight. You want company on the way down to the Hospital Wing or would Pomfrey get suspicious?_

Remus had sputtered and made excused but Sirius just shrugged. _You don’t have to lie anymore. We all know._

He’d been quick to clarify that only he, James and Peter knew when he saw the terror on Remus’s face. Over the next few months, that terror faded into relief. They knew. He didn’t have to live in fear of them finding out and abandoning him. They knew and they didn’t care. He could talk to them about it and-

What a fool he’d been.

Dumbledore seemed to read his thoughts. He put a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “You’re not the first young man to misjudge a friend, Remus.”

Remus blinked hard, staring down at his bed sheets. Everything hurt, hurt more than he’d thought possible. It was worse than the change. He wished Dumbledore would go and leave him alone.

“Once you’ve recovered, you will report to Professor McGonagall each evening for detention for the next three weeks.” Professor Dumbledore said, his usual brisk self. “Mr. Potter and Mr. Black are most anxious to speak to you but it is up to your discretion.

Remus swallowed hard. “I don’t want to see Sirius. I don’t want to see any one.”

Dumbledore nodded. He stood and watched Remus for a few silent moments. “I will inform them. Get some rest, Remus.”

He turned and left without another word.

He knew he ought to thank Dumbledore, for letting him off with detention, rather than expulsion or criminal charges. He knew most werewolves never even got the chance to attend school, let alone make friends. He should be grateful. He should be on bended knee, thanking his lucky stars but, alone in the hospital wing, all Remus could do was sob.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been stewing for sometime and I need good comments so I'm posting it.  
> More tags and chapters to come.


	2. One Month Later

Sirius stared moodily into his oatmeal. He hadn't eaten any, just stabbed it a bit. James, who had slumped down beside him moments ago, patted him awkwardly on the back. He opened his mouth, then shut it again. Sirius glanced down the Gryffindor table to where Remus sat with Lily Evans and her friends, very pointedly not looking at him. "He's still pissed then, is he?"

"Can't exactly blame him there, Pads," James said, cautiously.

Sirius huffed, "It's been a month, and I already said I was sorry and nothing-"

"Don't say nothing happened," James said, quiet and dangerous. "You nearly got someone killed-"

"Snape barely counts,"

"And Remus expelled, to say nothing of me." James finished, glaring at him. Sirius swallowed, remembering he'd only just recently got James to speak to him again. His best friend sighed. "Y'didn't mean to, Pads, but you messed up. They've got a watch on The Shack and The Willow now."

Sirius jerked his head up. "What? He'll-"

"Be going through it alone again," James nodded solemnly.

"How long?"

"Dunno. 'Till Dumbledore thinks we can be trusted, I reckon."

"Never then," Sirius said, feeling ill. Three years of work wasted and Moony hated him now. He probably wouldn't even want Sirius there at the full moon but now he'd have to go through it alone again. Sirius remembered all those months when Remus came back drawn and exhausted, covering bites and scratches he'd given himself. The rest of them swore up and down they'd figure out how to help him and he'd never have to go through the change by himself again. Five- six months after becoming animagi, and Sirius had broken that promise.

At the far end of the table, Remus shoved sausage in his mouth. Tonight would start the full moon. He'd be bulking up even if he wasn't hungry because the change took so much energy by itself. When he got back, Remus would have to go to the hospital wing for the worst of his injuries and then he'd be exhausted for the next week.

Sirius pushed his food away. "I can fix this," he said, half hoping Remus would hear him. "I'll make it right."

At the end of the table, Remus made no sign of acknowledgement but tore into another sausage with his teeth.

"Yeah," James said, shifting awkwardly, "but- ya might just have to let him be mad, you know?"

Sirius huffed and got up from the table.

* * *

 

Remus never forgot how much he hated The Shrieking Shack. He'd spent too many nights alone in its dusty confines waiting for The Wolf to come to ever forget. "A shame," Madam Pomfrey had muttered that first year when she escorted Remus through the tunnels, "putting a child down in a place like this."

 _It isn't for the child,_ Remus thought, stripping off his robes. He folded them as neatly as he could with shaking hands and placed them in the trunk for that purpose. He learned a long time ago that if he left his clothes out The Wolf would just destroy them.

Much as he hated the shack, Remus could not deny he'd had some of his best memories in here as well. Once Madam Pomfrey left him, the others, watching on the map, would troop in, laughing and planning for the night's adventure.  Peter, James, and Sirius, for the last few months made Remus's transformations not only not terrible, but something to look forward to. They made a great show of covering their eyes when they entered. James or Sirius would toss him a blanket and some chocolate frogs. They'd sit around in a circle and everything felt normal somehow. They talked homework or quidditch or girls (Lily Evans in James's case and knowing looks and cliché excuses about gentlemen in Sirius's). When the cramps became too much, and his bones began to split apart, Remus caught the barest glimpse of his friends transforming into Wormtail, Prongs and Padfoot. Sirius always waited until the last possible moment to change. He wanted to keep Remus company for as long as he was Remus.

 _Or he just wanted to see how close he could get to The Wolf,_ Remus thought savagely. It was Sirius's fault that he had to go through the moon alone tonight. Sirius told Snape to go down into the tunnels and nearly turned Remus into a murderer. To say that Dumbledore was furious was the understatement of the century, according to James at least. By the time Remus woke up in the hospital wing, the headmaster had calmed and decided no one would get expelled. Snape was sworn to secrecy and James, Sirius and Remus had a very long sentence in detention. It was better than being expelled but not by much. With Remus not speaking to Sirius, Sirius alternating between apologizing and being mad at Remus for being mad at him, and James caught in the middle of two loyalties, detention actually served as a punishment. Peter kept to himself mostly. He alone of the Marauders had remained unimplicated in the Snape incident. He had no reason to despise Sirius or to risk his ire. He also wouldn't risk being alone with a werewolf.

 _Probably good,_ Remus thought as he waited for his body to try and kill him. _Even James couldn't talk my way out of an actual murder._

He owed James, rather a lot according to Dumbledore, so he couldn't quite be angry at him for not hating Sirius but it was a near thing. "He is sorry," James had told him at breakfast. "Really sorry."

"I'm very aware of how sorry he is." Remus responded acidly. "I don't care but I am aware of it anyway."

Lily stifled a snort into her tea and dutifully went back to her potions essay. She hadn't asked why Remus wasn't speaking to Sirius, merely accepted him into her own circle without much question. Remus felt eternally grateful to her for that, especially since he knew Severus Snape was constantly trying to warn her away from him. Lily, perhaps, could understand better than anyone how Remus felt. She knew how it felt to have a friend who was bad for you.

Lily didn't know the whole story though. She didn't know the truth about Remus and so she couldn't help him now. Not like Sirius, James and Peter could have.

Sirius wanted to. He caught Remus just before he left to meet Madam Pomfrey, brilliant eyes desperate and hopeful. "Moony," he said, a bit breathless, "we can still-"

Remus pushed past him. Sirius barely missed a beat before following him. "C'mon, I know you're pissed at me but look, we can go under the cloak in and-"

"No." Remus said. For a moment, Sirius looked elated at the mere fact Remus actually spoke to him. Then the word sank in and he shook his head.

"No- look, I know you're still mad at me but I can fix it. You don't have to do it on your own-"

Something in Remus snapped. Sirius should know better than to irritate him so close to the full moon, when the barrier between wolf and boy was so weak. Remus slammed the shorter boy into the wall hard enough to shake the portraits in their frames. The occupants huffed and flounced away indignantly while Sirius let out a cross between a whimper and a groan.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Remus demanded in a soft hiss, "Why not send everyone a damn howler about me while you're shouting it up and down the corridor?!"

Sirius paled a little. "Moony-"

"Are you incapable of shutting up?!" Remus demanded.

Sirius opened his mouth and shut it again, fearful of proving his point. His bright grey eyes flickered over Remus's face, then blinked softly. Remus could feel the cold breath of Sirius's exhale on his lips.

He let go and took a step back, turning slightly away. "You can't fix this, Sirius. Do you even understand what you did? Forget almost getting us expelled, you nearly turned me into a murderer. You used me to mess with Snape like I was a damn wand. I trusted you and you used me for-" he shook his head. "You can't fix it. I don't want your help."

"Moony-"

"Don't call me that," Remus said. "Only my friends call me that."

He left without looking back at Sirius. He walked down to the hospital wing and over to the shack with Madam Pomfrey without saying another word. Sirius's stupid, wounded face stuck inside his head. _Should have done it sooner,_ he thought in the bitter confines of the shack. _Shouldn't wait until you almost kill someone, idiot. Monsters don't get friends._

He felt The Wolf roaring inside him, clawing at the chains of his humanity. Normally he tried to hold it off as long as he could, tried to hold on to his humanity as long as he could. Now he did nothing to stop it. He didn't want to be human right now. Wolves didn't have feelings, no friendship or regret or anything.

He screamed as he always did when his bones broke. He screamed too when they knit back together in different, animal shapes. Hair pickled out of his skin and his nose lengthened into a snout. He couldn't scream anymore, his vocal chords wouldn't let him. Instead Remus whined like the animal he was. It hurt. Everything hurt and he was all alone to feel it.

A long familiar howl broke through the walls of the desolate shack. _Padfoot,_ Remus thought. His heart skipped a beat before he remembered to be angry. A minute though, and Remus wouldn't remember anything. He wouldn't know who Sirius was, let alone that he should be angry at him.

So as his heart literally shrunk inside his chest, Remus Lupin let himself take comfort in the knowledge Sirius was out there. His friend didn't abandon him.

* * *

 

Pack was gone when the Wolf woke. Young pack, strange pack: Rat and Stag and Dog, but strong pack and his.

Gone though. Not here. The Wolf heard Dog howl in the distance. Dog didn't want help though. He didn't cry out in pain but loneliness and repentance.

Wolf howled back. He missed Pack. He hated the house where he couldn't even run and there was nothing for biting or eating.

Wolf stood and launched himself at the hard air that kept him trapped it the house. It did not move. He tried again. He wanted to get to Dog and Stag and Rat. He wanted Pack.

He needed to bite though. He needed to gnash and claw and rip flesh between his fangs.

Wolf sunk his teeth in the fatty flesh of his own haunch and tore it away. Dog howled again.

* * *

 

Sirius returned to the dorm just before dawn, very much the worse for wear. James hopped out of bed, high black brow furrowed. "You're not just getting back now, are you?"

They'd gotten in later than this before. Sirius never felt quite so tired before. He nodded.

"Did you see him?" Peter asked, rubbing his still wet hair with a towel.

Sirius shook his head. "Wards are stronger," he said, accioing a fresh robe from his trunk and pulling it over his clothes. "Heard him howl though."

The other boys grimaced. James put his hand on Sirius's shoulder and squeezed briefly. "We'll see him today anyway." He said with forced joviality.

"You might," Sirius said. "Got close enough before I came back that I could smell his blood.”

Peter swallowed and looked at James. James shrugged, paling visibly, "Moony always bleeds like mad." He said and began to dress hurriedly.

They arrived at the great hall long before anyone else arrived. The food appeared immediately, enough for the three of them three times over. Sirius ate because he had to. Being a dog and staying up all night took energy. He barely tasted the oatmeal but shoved it down his throat anyway because now that that he was human again there were things to consider.

First and foremost: Remus hated him. That was simply unacceptable and must be rectified as quickly as possible. Fortunately, he had it on good authority that at least one part of Moony liked him and wanted him around. Sure, Remus despised The Wolf but it was a part of him and it howled for Sirius last night.

Then came the question of how Sirius felt about Remus. That was harder. Literally harder when Sirius thought back to the way Remus pushed him up against the wall the other night.

Something shifted around Remus Lupin when he was well and truly pissed.  He forgot to make himself small and unassuming. Electricity crackled behind his blue green eyes and Sirius felt it travel through the air through his very skin. And it changed things.

He had always known Remus was handsome with his lean muscles and gentle smile. Sirius noticed Remus the way he noticed a summer breeze or a bright, distant star. When Remus shoved him against the wall and told Sirius exactly how bad he messed up, his face mere inches away, Sirius's heart had jumped and sputtered. Everything inside him blazed when he thought about it. Even now, with Remus hurting and everything so screwed up, Sirius just wished he'd closed that space between them.

"Are you incapable of shutting up?" Remus had asked and all Sirius could think was _I wish you'd make me._

It would have been a terrible, truthful thing to say and probably would have earned him a punch in the nose.

It was Moony, for god's sake. Moony, who carried a book wherever he went, Moony, chewed on the edge of his quills and got embarrassed when he laughed too hard.

God, he was attractive when he blushed, or when he laughed. They ranked just below anger in terms of general attractiveness though Sirius much preferred Moony laughing than be angry at him. Laughing Moony was so much more likely to let Sirius kiss him.

Sirius bit his lip hard, imagining what it might be like. Remus would go slow. He'd be shy but that'd be alright. Sirius knew how to kiss shy people, people who hadn't been kissed regularly. The girls of Hogwarts ought to be tried for criminal negligence for ignoring Remus Lupin as long as they had.

"Bust out the map, eh, Prongs?" He said, leaning forward a bit. "See if he's back yet?"

James glanced around quickly, pulled out the parchment and swore he was up to no good. They bent over the map together, watching the dot labeled Remus Lupin cross slowly over the quidditch pitch with Madam Pomfrey. James let out an audible sigh, his shoulders dropped in relief. "There," he said, "He's fine."

"Unless she's carrying him," Peter said. Sirius swallowed. He stood, upsetting his tea on the table.

"I'll check," he said, ignoring James calling after him. Doubtless he meant to remind Sirius that Remus wasn't actually speaking to him. Sure, Remus said Sirius wasn't his friend but bugger all that. Remus was his friend still and maybe-

Sirius shook the thought out of his head. They could deal with whatever his feelings were when he knew Remus was alright. Peter and James, still talking for some stupid reason, caught him up at the steps. Sirius froze for just a moment when he saw Remus. He leaned heavily on Madam Pomfrey, his face pale and gaunt. They moved slowly over the grounds, each step unsteady, clearly painful. Sirius could just see the bright red and purple of fresh scars and bruises. He spared a quick glance to James, whose brow had furrowed deeply, and bounded down the stairs.

"Remus?" He looked up at the sound of Sirius's voice. His bloodshot eyes narrowed and he looked away, lips in a tight frown. Sirius swallowed. Right, still mad.

James saved them, appearing behind Sirius and looking panicked between Remus and Madam Pomfrey. "Alright, Moony?" He said, awkwardly pushing his fingers through his hair.

Remus managed a weak smile for him, "Yeah, Jamie. I'm fine."

Madam Pomfrey wrinkled her nose. "Mr. Lupin needs to get to the hospital wing. You boys ought to be at breakfast."

"We've had breakfast," Peter said helpfully.

"Well eat more," the nurse snapped, "and get out of the way."

James pulled gently on the back of Sirius's robe. Remus limped passed them, still leaning on Madam Pomfrey. He never met Sirius's eyes.

* * *

 

James plopped down next to his hospital bed and tossed a roll of parchment onto Remus's lap. "Notes," he said and bit into the head of a chocolate frog. Peter sat down in the chair across from him. Their eyes flickered only once to the spot Sirius usually occupied. Remus didn't ask where he was.

Instead he said "Thanks," and put the parchment aside. His head hurt. Reading would be impossible for the next couple hours. His friends settled into uncomfortable silence, Sirius' absence drowning out any conversation. Remus settled back onto his pillow and stared up at the ceiling.

"Did I miss anything interesting?" He asked, in a desperate attempt for some kind of distraction.

"Nonverbal spells in Defense," Peter said, picking up on the hint. "Alice knocked Frank out for half an hour."

"Sirius transformed for you." James said, knocking the hint to the floor where it shattered into a million pieces.

Remus's stomach dropped. "He didn't- Pomfrey would have said if-"

"He didn't go to the shack." James said. "Got as close as he could as Padfoot and stayed out there all night though. Said if you weren't human, he didn't want to be."

 _Oh._ Remus swallowed. When he spoke, his voice was a lot higher than he intended it to be. "Well, if he wants to run around at all hours of the night, that's his business."

"You're really going to pretend as if you don't care-" James snapped.

"I don't care," Remus lied. "Sirius can- it doesn't change what he did."

"Nothing's going to change what he did!" James said, "I can't believe you'd throw away everything over one stupid mistake."

"He threw it away when he-" Remus winced at the pang in his head. James stood up and blinked very hard, sniffing audibly.

"He's outside right now, waiting to be allowed in like a-"

"Like a dog," Remus finished humorlessly. He uncurled his fist, wishing he could let go of his anger that easily. "I can't trust him." He said, staring at the floor between them. "How am I supposed to go back to how we were if I can't trust him?"

James opened his mouth and shut it again. Remus honestly wished he'd had answer. He wished there was something he could read or punch or do that would fix the rift between him and his friends. He wanted to forgive Sirius. He'd give his right arm to stop feeling hurt and betrayed but he couldn't lie about it. He couldn't pretend it was alright when it wasn't.

Remus closed his eyes. "You ought to get to class," he said. "I should sleep."

"Moony," James said in a softer voice. Remus opened his eyes and managed a crack of a smile.

"It's fine, Prongs. I'm really just tired." James furrowed his brow but didn't argue. Instead he picked up his bag and slunk towards the exit.

"Feel better, yeah?" He said with a weak little wave. Peter nodded, happy for a safe subject and an exit.

"Yeah," he said, "see you."

"Bye, Remus," Peter called as he closed the door behind him. Remus waited until they were gone to cover his face with his hands. After a deep sigh, he reached for the parchment of Defense Against Dark Arts notes only to throw it aside again when he recognized the thin penmanship of Sirius Black.

* * *

 

Remus didn't want to see him. Sirius had actually expected that much but Prongs came out looking a combination of irate and remorseful and he knew they'd argued about it.

"How is he?" He asked Peter who looked significantly relieved to be out in the corridor.

"About how you'd expect really," he said, hands in his pockets. "Tired, mostly,"

"Stubborn," James said. Sirius ignored him.

"He didn't get hurt too bad then?" He asked Peter.

He shook his head. "Not too much. Last Halloween was much worse."

Sirius nodded, trying to take comfort in that. Last Halloween the wolf had punctured one of Remus's lungs. If that was the bar Peter was setting up to compare to they were in trouble.

"He's making himself miserable in there," James said. "I told him what you did for him but he won't listen! If he'd just-"

"Let it go, Prongs," Sirius said with a sigh.

"Exactly- what?"

"Let it go," he said, turning away from the hospital wing. "It's between him and me anyway and I've got Muggle studies."

He'd started Muggle Studies primarily to piss off his mother but even after the boils she'd sent him disappeared Sirius found he quite liked it. They'd only offered it for a year before Sirius joined up so the class was still tiny compared to the rest on his schedule. No grand opportunities for mischief but without James or Peter there wasn't much point. If the rest of his teachers had seemed half as excited about their own subjects as Professor Alvarez, Sirius might actually behave in their classes. The short wild haired wizard had devoted a week to the American moon landing. "No magic!" he had waxed, his Spanish accent slipping through, "no wands or potions at any rate! Muggles have slipped the surly bonds of Earth while we wizards still subside on quill and parchment! Anyone who says we have nothing to learn from non-magic ingenuity and industry is fatally mistaken."

Several pure bloods hoping for an easy O had dropped the class after that rant but Sirius loved it. Alvarez ranted about the school board, the ministry, anything that caused him the slightest bit of inconvenience and swore a blue streak often before he remembered to place a silencing spell on the door. Normally, muggle studies was merely his favorite subject. Today, he needed it.

"Alright, Black?" Alice MacShane asked as he sat down next to her. "Y'look like you been awake for days."

"I'm fine," he said, brushing his fingers through his hair.

"Got something for you." She said, reaching into her bag and taking out a thin paper folder.

Sirius perked up immediately, leaning over the record. "What's this one then? No more ABBA?"

"Oh, Merlin forbid you should hear a happy song once in your life," Alice jeered. "Let it never be said I don't listen to customer reviews. Here's some shouty rock for you."

Sirius peered at the long haired muggles sneering up at him, holding their electric guitars like weapons. "Well," he said airily. "They don't look like complete tossers so I suppose I'll take it."

"You'll pay up front, Black, seven galleons, not a knut less."

"Seems a bit steep, Alice," Sirius wheeled. "Given the exchange-"

"Seller sets the price," she said, "besides my supplier takes their cut too, don't they?"

"Yeah, who is that then?" Sirius asked with narrowed eyes. "Seems like we could cut out the middle man."

"Middle woman," Alice said smugly, "and absolutely essential since my source wishes to remain anonymous and trust me, Sirius, so do you."

Sirius snorted. "Of course," Alice continued, "if you think there's a better price offered elsewhere, if you're willing to accept an inferior product..."

"Fine," Sirius said, digging into his bag for the required money. Alice's round face burst into a wide smile as she shoved the record back into her bag.

"Alright, Frankie?" She grinned up at the Head Boy who'd taken the seat in front of her.  Sirius dropped his money back in the bag.

"MacShane," he said with a long look at Alice. "Black." He said Sirius's name fair more curtly. Frank Longbottom had been alright until fourth year when Dumbledore handed him a prefect's badge and replaced the fun in him with responsibility. He'd been responsible for a good number of Sirius's and James's detentions, a former miscreant always adept at catching current ones.

"Longbottom," Sirius said, casually drawing the second and third syllable of the surname to show there were no hard feelings. Frank ignored him. The handsome head boy was a lot harder to rile up than Slimey Snivellus, especially with Alice distracting him.

"Not breaking any rules, are we, MacShane?" Longbottom said, glancing at Alice's bag. "I'd hate to give you another detention."

"Ooo, Detention," Alice said in the same tone she might've used to greet a particularly sumptuous piece of cake. "Can't have that, can we, Frankie?"

 _Please don't get caught on purpose just because you want to neck on the sly,_ Sirius did his best to force the thought through to Alice's brain. _You're not subtle and I need this._

"We're just waiting for class to start," he said, glaring. Why in Merlin's name did people sneak about when they didn't have to? Frank and Alice were both purebloods and neither of them turned into anything on the full moon. No one cared if a boy wanted to kiss a girl... They weren't even friends.

Sirius's thoughts snapped back to Remus before he was even aware of it. Remus's eyes flashing as he took Sirius in, as his lips curled in anger. God, he'd been so close. Had Remus ever actually been that close in five years of friendship? He must have, between sneaking around under the invisibly cloak and leaning over shoulders to copy homework. Yet, when Remus had shoved him, Sirius barely recognized the feeling exploding through him like he'd discovered something entirely new. That same feeling still crackled under his skin as he thought of Remus Lupin. Sirius let his bag fall carefully into his lap, obscenely glad when Alverez entered.

Muggle Studies prevented him from losing his mind but only barely. Remus never really faded from the background of his thoughts. Every so often Professor Alvarez would pause or the discussion would lull and he'd pop up to the forefront. Sirius fought more than a few urges to groan and lay his head on the desk. You weren't meant to get excited when your mate was pissed at you. You weren't meant to get aroused by a mate at all, least wise Sirius Black wasn't meant to. Other people did. He had seen magazine cuttings of muggle men kissing, touching each other, when he was younger. Uncle Alphard kept them in a secret compartment of his trunk that Sirius found while looking for Christmas presents. He hadn't exactly liked them or disliked them but he thought about them a lot. He only just remembered the photographs when Remus had pushed against him.

Remus was still angry with him though. Sirius expected that. He hadn't changed during the full moon because he wanted Remus to forgive him. He wanted to be as close to Remus as he could, to understand him as best he could. Being Padfoot at least gave him time to think about Remus, to sort through what he felt without so much... Wanting in the way.

Padfoot still felt the same way Sirius did but far less humanly. Sirius wanted Remus back first and foremost. He wanted to be friends again and then he could worry about kissing and touching and being...

"Oi, Sirius," Alice's voice broke him from a particularly vivid image of what specific length Remus might go to shut him up properly. He blinked at her, probably looking stupid. "Class ended five minutes ago. You gonna clear off or what?"

"Right," he said and shoved his book in his bag, "Sorry."

"You alright, Black?" Frank Longbottom asked. Sirius couldn't decide if the look on his face was concern or suspicion, but he didn't appreciate either.

"Fine," he said, standing, grateful for the billowy forgiveness of his robes. He left Frank and Alice to their necking and slipped into the nearest bathroom.

Casting a quick silencing charm around the stall, Sirius undid his trousers to deal with his erection. He hadn't popped one like this since third year. Third year when a gust of wind or the right buck of a broomstick was all it took to get him going.

Now all it took was the mental image of Remus Lupin pushing him against a wall, taking Sirius's cock in his hand. Maybe he'd pull his hair too, to get a really good grip on him, make sure Sirius couldn't get away.

He wouldn't want to get away of course, not really, but he'd want to be held still. Just hard enough to hurt a little bit, just hard enough to be important. Sirius might have to piss him off first but apparently, he's adept at that.

Sirius came in a rush, biting down hard on his lip. He leaned back against the stall and sighed softly. "Scourgify," he muttered and watched the white mess disappear from the stall, feeling slightly ashamed of himself. He cleaned up and went to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are appriciated


	3. Chapter 3

Remus knew why Prongs fancied Lily Evans. Half the boys in school fancied Lily Evans with her long, fire red hair and peaches and cream complexion. She was clever, quick with joke and fiercely loyal. She'd even earned Sirius's begrudging respect as a "worthy opponent" in fourth year when she hexed him bald for picking on Snape.

Lily's most attractive quality though, in Remus's opinion, beyond her wit and beauty, was her tact. Lily didn't pepper him with questions about where he went on the full moon or why he refuse to sit with or speak to Sirius anymore. She just made room for him and chatted about classes or prefect duties or anything else. Lily minded her own business, except only when she championed the cause of the less fortunate.

Remus never once thought Sirius Black would make that list.

“It’s weird,” she said, “I’ve never seen him this quiet for this long. I’m not asking what he did-”

“Thanks for that,” Remus said.

“But seriously, was it murder?” her green eyes flashed, a little too interested. “Because really, I can’t think of anything else that would make you-”

“It’s fine, Lily,” Remus said, not wishing to admit how close she was to being right.

“Don’t lie to me, Remus, it’s rude.” She said. Remus glared. She ignored him. “I don’t give two piles of dragon dung about Sirius Black but you are not fine. Now, you can’t have just realized he’s an absolute wanker-”

“I always knew what he was,” he said. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his robe. He wished somebody would do something wrong so Lily could bust them and he wouldn’t have to talk about Sirius.

“Well, it never bothered you until now,” she closed her eyes and made a pained expression. “Look, you know I don’t like him-”

“I’m aware.”

“Black or Potter. They’re shiftless. They’re bullies. They’re lazy-”

“I know, Lily.”

“Even Pettigrew, always following them around like a lap dog. You know he’d pull the exact same shit they do if he thought he could get away with it.”

“Is there a point to this, Evans, or can you send me an owl about it?”

“The point is, you are one of my favorite people here and you would be well shot of them except-” she sighed. “except you miss him. Whatever else is wrong with Black, and that list is long, he’s always done right by you. Whatever he did, he’s been moping about it for over a month and so have you. You should forgive him.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No, I suppose I don’t.” She nodded.  “If you ever wanted to tell me, you know I’d listen, right?”  

“Yes.” Another irritating quality of Lily’s was her understanding nature. “I can’t… just- thanks but I can’t.”

“Alright,” she said, “but you’re punishing yourself just as much as you’re punishing him.”

She didn’t say anything more about it. They completed their prefect rounds without incident. Lily talked about other things, not Sirius, but Remus stayed quiet. His thoughts bounced back to Sirius far too often for his liking. He had been quiet lately. When Remus returned to the dorm, Sirius always went silent, looked at him with his lips parted as if he were about to speak and then rolled over to face the wall, or put on his contraband headphones to listen to muggle music. It was as if he were trying to make himself as unobjectionable as possibly but all it accomplished was making him disappear. James glared at Remus whenever this happened and Peter would always ask about the homework in the high pitched voice he used whenever he was uncomfortable.

Remus hated it. He never wanted Sirius to stop being Sirius. That would be like wanting the sun to go out. He’d just realized that he couldn’t be close to it, not without getting burned.

What no one seemed to understand, not James or Peter or Lily, certainly not Sirius himself, was that this was inevitable. Sirius was just the first of them to go. Werewolves didn’t get to have friends. Remus had been lucky to have the years he did with the but he wasn’t fooling himself any more. The other marauders would have lives after Hogwarts, families, proper jobs, things Remus could never have. They would make the effort because they were good people but eventually they would stop accompanying him on the full moon, stop inviting him down, especially if it meant putting wives and children at risk. At least with Sirius, he had ripped the bandage off, instead of letting it linger like it would with James and Peter.

Sirius wasn’t in the dorm when Remus returned. Peter hunched over his desk, doubtless actually trying to learn something. James was sprawled out on the bed with a book covering his face. He looked up when Remus entered and let the book fall back on his face when he saw who it was.

“Where’s Sirius?” Remus asked.

James shrugged. “Dunno.” There was a short pause where “what do you care?” hung in the air before James said, “He took the map, if you were going to ask.”

“Bugger,” Remus muttered. “He’s going to get it confiscated.”

“He’ll be fine.” James said.

“I’m going after him,” Remus said, turning on his heel. “If he gets caught out of bed by anybody but me, he’ll wind up expelled and he’s not taking that map with him.’

James didn’t argue, or offer to come along. He just exchanged a long look with Peter that Remus didn’t have time to decipher. He turned on his heel and left.

Sirius had the map. That would make finding him more difficult but not impossible. By now, they hardly needed it anyway. Remus had all but memorized the thing, as had Sirius and James he was sure. The labeled dots were always useful for spotting Filch, Snivellus or one of the teachers out to get them but the passages were unmoving and the staircases followed a fixed pattern. Plus Remus was good at guessing Sirius’s moods, where he would be, possibly what he was doing.

The only real worry was how badly Sirius wanted to avoid him. He could lead Remus on quite the merry chase around the castle if he put his mind to it. Sirius was good at hiding.

Rather, he was good at hiding when put his mind to it. When Sirius wasn’t paying attention, he could be quite loud and obvious. His voice echoed down the empty corridor long before Remus reached him.

“One more word and I swear to God, I will-”

“You’ll what, Black?” As a rule, Severus Snape did not yell. He actually got quieter when he was well and truly angry. Now his words cracked cold across dead silence. “You’re on your last leg with Dumbledore, aren’t you? One more misdeed and you’re expelled.”

Sirius said nothing but Remus could picture him shaking with anger, long fingers curled into fists. Snape was right of course. It was one of his worst qualities. Sirius had never been adept at ignoring it. Remus hurried down the corridor.

Snape had drawn himself up to full height. Granted that wasn’t much to speak of but with Sirius so hunched, so small, Snape seemed to tower over him. “You’re not going to stop me from warning Lily about that monster, not you or Dumbledore or anyone-”

Remus cleared his throat. Both Sirius’s and Snape’s hair whipped wildly as they turned to look at him. “Long way from the dungeons, aren’t you, Snape?” he said snapping his teeth together at the end of the hated name. There was a time when he had felt sorry for Snivellus but since that night in the shack, he’d gotten somehow worse, bolder now that he had something on the Marauders. A part of Remus, a part he didn’t like that usually only showed itself once a month, glowed with satisfaction as Snape faltered and shied back from the monster. “You might want to get back before lights out.”

Snape swallowed, reaching for some strategic reserves of courage. “Y-you stay a-”

“If I suddenly start avoiding Lily Evans, she’ll want to know why.” Remus snapped, “You really want her poking around The Shrieking Shack on the full moon, trying to solve some stupid mystery? Because it worked out so well for the rest of us?”

Snape blanched but fury soon replaced terror. “You dare threaten her-”

“I’m not threatening her, you git. I am telling you to shove off.” Remus growled, jerking his head down the corridor. “Lily will be fine. She doesn’t run around sticking her nose into other people’s business. Though she hasn’t nearly as much to work with as you do, Snape. Go to bed.”

Snape opened his mouth as if to say something, thought better of it, and swooped down the corridor toward the dungeons.  Remus watched until he disappeared from sight before turning back to Sirius.

He stared at Remus, eyes wide and mouth open slightly. Remus felt slightly warm and squirmed a little under those intense gray eyes. Sirius blinked, looked down, then smiled at Remus. “I don’t want to offend you but that was incredible.”

Remus shrugged. “Come on. We should get back to the tower.”

“Right,” Sirius said, voice just a little higher than normal. He followed Remus down the hall.

Remus waited for him to say something. A silent Sirius unnerved him. Remus could feel the black haired boy watching him, not speaking, waiting.

“You shouldn’t goad Snape,” Remus said finally, falling into the old habit of lecturing just to break the tension.

“I didn’t seek him out,” Sirius said, petulant. Remus glanced back to see him put his hands in his pocket and stare at the floor. “You heard him. He wanted to tell Evans-”

“Dumbledore swore him to secrecy,” Remus reminded. “Snape’s an arsehole, not an idiot-”

“He’s an idiot arsehole,” Sirius said. He swallowed and continued in a softer voice. “I’m sorry. You told me to keep out of it, I know, but he called you… he said-”

“I don’t care what he says about me.”

“I care!” Sirius said vehemently. Remus turned, a little shocked at the passion, just in time to see the young man cringe. “Snape almost-” he sighed, “I almost ruined your life because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I’ll be damned if Snape blows the whole thing open again, because of what I started.”

“Sirius-”

“I know you told me to stay out of it and I know you hate me but damn it, you’re my friend, Remus! I know you said we’re not and maybe we aren’t but I can’t stop trying and I won’t let Snape of all fucking people threaten you just because I don’t deserve your trust anymore!” The words erupted from him like a hex, splattering around the empty corridor. Remus could only stare.

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. “That’s as close to sense as you’ll get from me, I’m afraid.”

“Not surprising,” Remus said. Sirius smiled ruefully. He didn’t meet Remus’s eyes, just stared at the floor. Remus swallowed. “I don’t hate you.”

Sirius blinked.  “What?”

“I don’t hate you,” Remus repeated. “I never did.

“Oh,” Said Sirius in a quiet voice. He managed to keep his mouth shut for all of thirty seconds before breaking. “So… are we-?”

“We’ll be alright,” Remus said, putting his hands in his pockets. “Share some of those fags you bought off Alice MacShane and we’ll call it even.”

“Alright,” he said in a small, choked voice. Remus made a point not to look back, knowing how uncomfortable sudden displays of emotion sometimes made Sirius. He felt lighter, the tension released just by admitting aloud he didn’t hate Sirius. Forgiveness would come, if he could keep pretending until it came true. Sirius put his arm around Remus’s neck, resting his head on his shoulders. Remus felt himself blush a little. It was pleasant… it could stay pleasant.

As long as Remus didn’t forget what he was.

* * *

 

Sirius had to wait a very long time before he could kiss Remus. Remus deserved time to heal. Sirius needed time too, to get Remus to trust him again. An endeavor of this importance could not be rushed into haphazardly like an exam or a duel.

Such thoughts were contained to very late at night, when the rest of the Marauders had went quiet. During the day, Sirius contented himself to enjoy Moony’s friendship, easy conversation and pleasant silences. It was almost as if the Snape incident had never happened, except for the few moments that Remus innocently brushed against him in the corridors and sent a bolt of arousal straight through Sirius. Sirius never attempted to avoid the contact. He slung his arm over Remus’s shoulder, patted his back when he got a answer right in class, made sure to reach for kippers at the exact same moment so their hands could touch. All perfectly innocent, friendly things, that Sirius thought about in the shower.

Contrary to the beliefs of his parents, a thousand tutors and most of the Hogwarts population, Sirius Black was a planner. He got bored easily, sure, tended to run ahead without fully considering the consequences of his plan, but the plan itself was always there. He had dozens of plans where Remus was concerned. He luxuriated in plans for Remus, on those late nights with David Bowie crooning through his head phones.

He really wanted to just kiss Remus, randomly. Sirius had a few scenarios around that central theme, none of them practical. He pictured sliding into Remus’s bed after the others were asleep and pressing his lips to the back of his neck. He’d pull him behind a tree in the forest and bite down on his lips before Remus could ask what he was doing. Someday at breakfast, a dragon would crash into the Great Hall, Sirius would instantly stupify it and he and Remus would make out on top of it while the school cheered.

Hardly practical for a first kiss but it made a wonderful visual.

Sirius had considered writing a letter, very briefly. It’d be easier to get everything he felt out on parchment than just saying it. He could get the words just right, instead of blurting something awkward like “Oi, Remus, fancy a snog and d’ya mind not snogging anyone else ever again? Cheers.” A letter could be read by anyone though and Sirius would rather keep it between him and Remus. Remus knew how to enchant a paper so only the intended audience could read it but it wouldn’t do to ask him. Also, Sirius might run out of ink if he actually tried to describe the attractiveness of Remus Lupin.

He ought to just sit down and say it. Once they were alone, some sweet second when Prongs and Wormtail were off someplace else, Sirius should just tell Remus how he felt. _I want you, Remus. All of you, all the time, more than I ever wanted anybody before. I think I might love you and I really wanna see if I do. Are you in? Please?_

That was the jist anyway. Anything else, anything more flowery that belonged in a letter was just Sirius wanking off. He toyed with the phrasing. Remus could interpret _I think I might love you_ as a joke but Sirius had such limited understanding of love in general. The Blacks viewed marriage as a business contract, with only the barest hints of grudging affection. Sirius didn’t want that with Remus, even if it were possible. He’d already taken it for granted that the marauders would stay together forever but proximity wasn’t enough now. Now he wanted closeness, whispered nonsense in the middle of the night, and lots of touching.

Lots and lots of touching. Did that count as love? Maybe not but Sirius never felt it before. Maybe that was all it took? _Hey, Moony, I’d like to do new things with you_. _Would you like to do new things with me? And not do them with anyone else? Please?_

Because that was very important. Sirius noticed other people noticing Remus now. Not just the few discerning young women of Hogwarts but some blokes too. They thought they were subtle but Sirius spent half his time glaring over Remus’s shoulder. Remus of course took no notice.

 _If anyone else tells him how hot he is, I’m doomed._ Sirius thought, idly watching Remus twirl his quill in long thin fingers. Remus noticed and his lips twitched upwards.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Sirius looked down at his finished Muggle Studies essay and pretended to write something else. When he risked looking up again, Remus had his nose back in his book. Some extra reading for Defense Against Dark Arts. Remus had requested it. He was so clever. Sirius had _known_ Remus was smart before, naturally, but he spent the next half hour thinking about it.

The Marauders continued studying well into the evening, when most of the other students had retired. Finally, James closed his book and declared that he needed sleep. Remus stood and followed him. Sirius took a brief moment to watch his ass as he left.

“You alright, Sirius?”

He nearly jumped. Peter had a habit of getting so quiet that Sirius forgot he was there. “What? Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

Peter blinked at him. “Just seem a bit nervous, that’s all. You and Remus are alright now, aren’t you?”

“I think so,” Sirius said.

“That’s good.” Only Peter’s eyebrows didn’t go down the way they were supposed to. He just kept watching Sirius, like he was waiting for something else.

“We’re fine.”

“I believe you.” Peter said, still watching him.

A horrible thought popped into Sirius’s brain. “Did he say something to you?”

Peter shook his head. He picked up his quill again and added something else to his Potions essay.  “I just noticed you watching him. That’s all.”

 _That’s all. Merlin…_ was Sirius that obvious?

“It’s nothing.”

“Alright,” Peter said airily. He returned to his book, running his fingers along the page to find some missing fact. “You could tell me though, if it were something. I wouldn’t say anything to him.”

Sirius stared at him for a long moment. Peter didn’t say anything, just kept editing his essay as if nothing had happened. Did he know? How could he possibly know? Peter had a way about him where he was either an absolute idiot or a damned psychic and Sirius didn’t know which scared him worse. Because he couldn’t ask without confirming and he couldn’t confirm without asking.

Then, as if he were bloody psychic, Peter said. “Doesn’t make any difference to me.”

“Thanks, Pete,” Sirius said in a small voice.

“You ought to talk to Moony about it though,” he continued, still absorbed. “He’d want to know.”

“D’you think?” Sirius asked, glancing back at boy’s staircase.

“’Course.” Peter said, “He’s bound to figured it out sooner or later, the way you’re carrying on.” Then, before Sirius could respond, he shut his book and shoved it into his bag. “Well, I’m knackered. Coming up?”

“In a minute,” Sirius said.

Peter shrugged and disappeared up the staircase. Sirius took his time packing up his schoolwork, methodically placing each book, quill and ink well back in his bag. Peter knew about him, about how he felt about Remus. Peter had picked up on it and if Peter did, Remus definitely would, if he hadn’t already.

 _So why doesn’t he say anything?_ Sirius thought, watching the fire. _Be a lot easier than waiting on me._

More interesting though was how Peter didn’t seem to care. In all his planning, Sirius had never considered such a possibility. Perhaps no one would care. Perhaps he’d wasted all those hours trying to work out a reasonable plan when it was as simple asking Remus how he felt. Surely, ambivalence was a better outcome than horror. _Sorry, Padfoot. Flattered and everything but-_

The thought made his stomach plummet but surely it was better than all this hemming and hawing. At least better than out and out rejection.

Unable to focus, not that he’d been much focused before, Sirius returned the dormitory. James slept a guileless sleep as Peter pulled on his pajamas, Remus was still awake, staring up at his curtains with a look of focus that curtains didn’t deserve. He blinked when Sirius entered. “Alright, Padfoot?”

“Alright, Moons,” Sirius said, ignoring Peter’s significant look. He’d talk to Remus when he was good and ready, not when some rat told him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgiveness and boys with feelings. 
> 
> Peter is such an interesting character that never really gets the attention he deserves. I mean, he was their friend for over seven years and then betrayed them all. How did he get to that point, passing information to Voldemort for over a year before the Potters died? Maybe something I'll explore later. For now, he's at Hogwarts, being smarter and more conniving than anyone gives him credit for.
> 
> Please comment.


	4. Chapter 4

Forgiving Sirius was like stepping back into a favorite pair of shoes. Remus rejoined the Marauders for meals and classes. They laughed in the corridors and exchanged eye rolls when James chased after Lily Evans.  Two months and it was as if the Snape Incident had never occurred.

Except when he woke up in a cold sweat, dreaming of pasty white skin and an overwhelming need to rend and tear.

The moon was waxing, meaning the dreams were becoming more real and more terrifying. He’d woken Sirius more than once but he promised over and over that he was already up. He never asked what the nightmares were. Remus was grateful. He didn’t want to rehash everything again.

He could tell that Sirius wanted to join him at the moon. They all did but Sirius wanted redemption. He stared at the Whomping Willow through narrowed eyes, trying to figure out the new wards. Peter and James would follow if he figured it out but their attention was on the upcoming OWLs.  After the next full moon, they’d only have a few weeks left.

Remus wasn’t sure how he felt about it. On one hand, he missed his motley pack. The Marauders made the moons manageable. He couldn’t hurt himself as much as he wanted with Prongs and Padfoot distracting him.  He woke up feeling secure, knowing that he hadn’t hurt anyone. He wanted that back.

On the other hand, the risks had never been higher. Dumbledore would expel them in a blink if they got caught. The wards were stronger. McGonagall and Pomfrey both watched them with intense suspicion.  Sirius had proven himself untrustworthy once. Forgiving was different than forgetting.

And there was the memory of launching after James, intent on shredding any human he could reach. One slip and everything could be destroyed, worse than a simple fight or expulsion. He was a monster. Monsters don’t get friends.

But he wanted them.

So Remus kept his mouth shut and tried to focus on his own OWLs. If Sirius found a way passed the wards, he found a way passed the wards. Even if he’d wanted to forbid it, Sirius wouldn’t listen.

On the day of the moon, everyone was twitchy.  James kept glancing between him and Sirius, waiting for something dramatic to happen. He’d been overjoyed when Remus rejoined the Marauders, possibly even more than Sirius, and refused to question it. If the moon brought up bad memories or renewed grudges, James might swan dive off the astronomy tower. 

As usual, Peter was far less dramatic.  He’d stayed away from the drama following The Snape Incident and he stayed away from the recovery, as far as friendship would allow. He didn’t watch Remus like he was a ticking bomb at least. Instead, he squeaked when Professor Sprout called on him, sounding uncannily like Wormtail in human form, and kept a wary eye on the sky.

Sirius alone seemed to keep his composure and that disconcerted Remus more than the others combined. He stuck close to Remus, quietly pouring over his notes. Anyone else might wonder why he was suddenly so keen on passing the OWLs but Remus could actually see what he was doing. They were notes on the wards around the Shack and the Willow, theories on how to trick them. He kept his mouth shut and pretended not to notice.

He ate as much as he could at dinner, knowing the change would be worse on an empty stomach. He hated the thought of returning to the Shack alone, cold and empty. He could feel the others staring at him, their concern palpable. He wanted alternately to snap and tell them to mind their own stupid business, or beg them to come with him. Instead he pushed his plate away and stood.

“Alright, Remus?” James asked, glancing down at the unfinished pudding on his plate.

“Fine,” he said shortly. “I’d best be off. Night, boys.”

“Want some company?” Sirius said. He looked ready to spring from his seat. Remus shook his head.

“I’m fine,” he insisted, forcing a smile. “I’ll see you.”

With that, he headed up the stairs towards the hospital wing.

* * *

 

Sirius watched Remus sneak out of the Great Hall with a frown on his face.  He leaned over the table and spoke in a hushed whisper. “We need to get those wards down.”

“If they catch us-” Peter glanced surreptitiously at the teachers’ table where McGonagall was debating something with Professor Slughorn. Dumbledore appeared thoroughly invested in  his pudding. Sirius wouldn’t have cared if he was sitting the next table over.

“So they won’t catch us,” Sirius looked pleadingly at James. “We promised.”

“We can’t help Moony if we’re expelled.” Peter said.

James shook his head. “Padfoot’s right. We’re getting passed those wards tonight.”

“Excellent,” _Good Old James!_ Sirius dug eagerly into his school bag and pulled out his notes. “I figured the Shack’s got a smaller, permanent protego than the one around the school. If we can convince it we’re already inside, we can expand it.”

“We should talk about this in the dorm,” Peter said.

James rolled his eyes. “Relax, Wormtail. You’re only looking at detention.”

“The Willow’s weaker than the Shack,” Sirius continued. “Guess they still think the branches are a deterrent.”

“They are.” Peter said with a small scowl, He always whined about dodging them even though it was the only useful thing he did at the moon.

“Minnie might be watching the tree though,” James said with a long look at McGonagall.  “Might have an alert if anyone’s messing with it. I’ve read you can do that if you’re close enough.”

“Might be,” Sirius agreed. “Shack’s harder to get to. So the question is, are we going for safer or easier?”

They outvoted him two to one for safety. James insisted on pretending to go to bed and the whole rigmarole of dinner and studying. Sirius practically twitched out of his robes. He was impatient at the best of times. Now Remus was walking down a long dirty hallway, thinking he was going to spend the evening ripping himself apart. He wanted to race down to the Willow, wards and professors be damned, slip between the branches and tell Remus he’d never have to do this alone again.

As usual, what Sirius wanted was highly impractical.

So, after everyone else had gone to bed, three of four marauders slipped out of the dorms and into the Honeyduke’s passage. Sirius and James could just fit under the invisibility cloak together, with Wormtail in James’ pocket. In the Honeyduke’s storeroom, Sirius pilfered a package of chocolate frogs for Remus. They locked the door behind them and walked into the deserted streets of Hogsmeade.

 The Shack looked even more desolate in the moonlight. Sirius could hear the muffled snarls beyond the wards. Peter transformed back into himself and tapped the slightly discolored air in front of them, like a giant soap bubble.

“What now?” He asked.

James circled around the Shack, testing the barrier. He  ran his fingers back through his hair. “You reckon we can expand it, Padfoot? Make it take us in?”

Sirius nodded.

“Right,” James said. “Pete, head round to the other side. We all fire at the same time and it’ll flicker for a bit. Step in and change.”

“No need to tell us twice,” Peter said darkly. “We all remember what happened last time he caught a whiff of humans.”

Sirius shoved the pang of guilt back into his stomach. He would make it right. He was making it right.

He lost count of the spells they tried, the minutes that passed. The spring air was cold and Sirius wished he could shift into fur. Beyond the barrier, the dusty, dilapidated Shack, never meant to be hospitable, Remus Lupin howled.

Finally, the ward flickered and the Marauders stepped inside.

* * *

 

Wolf stopped dead at the scent of prey. Just the whiff of soft human flesh and he was ridged with the need to rend and rip. He tore his fangs from his own paw and set to the door, ready for the hunt to begin.

 Then, as quick as they appeared, the scents changed. Pack! Dog and Stag and Rat!

Dog barreled into Wolf before he could change his course. They fell to the floor, rolling around in the dust. Wolf whined, unable to contain his joy at the Pack’s return. He nipped at the grinning black face. Stag huffed behind Dog. He tapped Wolf gently with his soft snout. Rat squeaked in the background.

The air was still hard. Whatever allowed the Pack to return still wouldn’t release Wolf. Outside called to him but Pack had returned, just as Dog promised. Wolf threw his head back and howled.

* * *

The transformation was always painful to watch. The Wolf stopped dead in his tracks as the first rays of sun pierced the sky. His back arched and he howled with the pain. Padfoot could hear the bones breaking under his skin. Fur and tail retreated inside Remus’s human body. He collapsed onto the floor.

The rest of the Marauders changed back into their human forms. Not for the first time, Sirius wished Remus’s transformations could be a simple. An Animagus didn’t even need to shed his clothes to transform. Robes and jeans disappeared and reappeared as easily as fur and hooves.

“Help me get him on the bed,” James said, crouching down next to Remus.

“His arm’s bleeding,” Peter said.

“Got it,” Sirius retrieved his wand and cast a small healing spell, something to help dull the pain. Remus’s eyes fluttered open. He smiled vaguely at them and passed out again.

James let out a soft sigh of relief. “C’mon, Moony,” he said, hoisting Remus to his feet. Sirius got his other arm and Peter took the legs. Together, they deposited Remus onto the bed. He gave a soft groan but didn’t stir.

“Well,” James said, “I’ll get the cloak then.”

He disappeared from the Shack. Peter slumped back against the wall and let out a long sigh. “Hell of a night, huh?”

 Sirius didn’t answer. He hadn’t moved from the bedside. The morning after the moon had always felt awkward to him. Remus was always exhausted. He physically couldn’t stay awake for more than a few moments, even on the easier nights. So the other Marauders were left to watch over him until Pomfrey came. No one ever knew what to say so they kept quiet. They stayed long enough to bid Remus good bye, then disappeared back to the castle.

Sirius didn’t know how he could have done such a thing, leaving Remus alone and vulnerable. How did he stand all those moons before they became Animagi?

James returned, holding the cloak. “Alright, lads. Let’s get a move on.”

“I want to stay with him,” Sirius said, watching Remus’ chest rise and fall.

“Why?” James tilted his head while Peter’s eyebrow shot up. Sirius swallowed, trying to think of something better than _I really really want to. I might die if I leave him._

“Someone ought to be here if he wakes up before Pomfrey comes. You know how he gets.” Anxious, terrified he’d hurt someone, needing reassurance.

James did know but he still frowned. “And what’ll you do if Pomfrey finds you? They’ll chuck you both out.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. Why was everyone so certain he’d get expelled? “She won’t find me if you leave the cloak.”

James opened his mouth to argue but Peter jumped in first. “James can’t sneak into Honeyduke’s without the cloak, Sirius!”

“Right-“ he stopped and glared at Peter. “What do you mean “James can’t sneak into Honeyduke’s without the cloak?”

Peter shrugged, “Well, you can’t, can you? I mean, I can get in through the walls easy enough but a stag isn’t exactly subtle-”

“I can sneak in anywhere you can I don’t have to change shape to do it!” James said hotly. He grabbed the cloak and tossed it at Sirius’s head. “Don’t get it confiscated. C’mon, Wormtail.”

Peter glanced over his shoulder with a small smile that said Sirius owed him.

Sirius draped the cloak over his shoulder, disappearing his right arm, and sat down on the bed. Remus’s breathing was shallow but consistent. Sirius thought he’d never be used to it, the helplessness after the moon. It had been worse last month, when Moony wouldn’t see him. Sirius had worried and wondered, with only James and Peter’s vague descriptions.

“Remus,” he whispered, too soft to hear. He pushed golden brown hair back away from his eyes, revealing a fresh cut on his forehead. Sirius clucked his tongue and reached for his wand. “Not to worry. I’ll take care of it before it scars.”

Magic came naturally to Sirius. He’d been causing minor explosions around Grimauld Place since the age of four, levitating off the ground in his tantrums. The blood shows through, as his mother said but Sirius couldn’t say if his proficiency with Healing was a result of blood or environment. You learn things, growing up with Walburga and Orion Black who liked to throw around curses as punishment, then heal you up so you could go back to your lessons. They never let him scar.

Still, worth it if he could help now. Remus hated his scars, thought they made him look monstrous, as if such a thing were possible.

“Pads…” Remus mumbled, blinking up at him. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened.” Sirius promised. “You didn’t even leave The Shack.”

“Good.” He tried to sit up and failed with a wince.

“Rest up, Moony. It’s alright.”

“You ought to go… before Pomfrey comes.” He shifted, trying to get comfortable, His voice was heavy with fatigue.

“James left the cloak. I’ll be fine.” Sirius said. “Unless… do you want to be alone?”

“No,” Remus admitted. “I feel like shit.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and shuddered a little at the pain. “You don’t have to stay, Sirius. Get some breakfast. I’ll be fine.”

“Naw,” Sirius shook his head. “Don’t feel like it. I’ll stay here.”

“Really-”

“Don’t be a bloody martyr, Remus.” He chided gently. “I’m here because I want to be.”

Remus scoffed, rolling his eyes around the desolate Shack. “Why would anyone want to be here?”

Well, that could not be allowed to stand.  Sirius put his wand down and leaned down over him. Their eyes met and, for a brief moment, he remembered his back against a wall, Moony staring him down, electricity between them. Then Sirius kissed him.

It wasn’t hard, wasn’t passionate. The kiss wasn’t anything like he’d imagined it for so many weeks. His lips just brushed against Remus’s, just enough to mean it. Remus let out a small breath as Sirius pulled away.

He sat back, pushing his hair out of his face. His tongue darted out, unintentionally, over his lips. They were still warm. He’d kissed Remus.

Merlin’s fucking pants, he’d kissed Remus.

Sirius turned away, not wishing to see the reaction. He felt like he’d been confounded somehow, or hit in the head with a bludger. Weeks of planning, or weighing the options over and over, gone to waste. The silence deafened him. Where was the damned cloak? If there was ever a time to be invisible! It had fallen to the floor when Sirius leaned over Remus’s exhausted, _naked_ , body…

 _God, he’s going to hate me again…_ Sirius thought helplessly.

“Why’d you do that?” Remus asked in a whisper.

“Cause I wanted to.” Sirius said. He put his head in his hands, feeling like the world’s biggest prat. “You should know that’s why I do anything, Moony.”

“Sirius, if this is a joke or something-”

“It’s not!” Merlin, he’d bullocksed everything. “I’m no messing with you! I’ve been thinking about you for weeks! Fantasizing about-“ He cut himself off. No reason to make this worse, if it could be made worse. Who was he kidding? He was Sirius Black, he could make anything worse. “Look I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to do. I won’t do it again and I’ll leave if you want-”

“You don’t have to leave,” Remus said softly.

Sirius turned and stared in utter bafflement. Remus looked at him as if he were seeing Sirius for the first time. That quiet concentration, usually reserved for the classroom, now rested on him. Sirius couldn’t move under that gaze. He just stared back, trying to read the unreadable.

Then, Remus said something that split him completely asunder. “You could do it again, if you liked.”

Sirius blinked. “What.”

“It was nice,” Remus said softly. A small smile curved his lips. God, but he was beautiful. Sirius could have looked at him all day.

“You’re blushing,” Remus said in a tone of utter incredulity.

Sirius cupped his hands against those soft, scarred cheeks and kissed him again. This time Remus leaned forward, tentatively moving his lips. He was so… fantastically awkward. Sirius wondered if this was the first time anyone had ever kissed him. It was crime if no one had ever kissed him, but Sirius might’ve crawled out of his skin if anyone else ever tried.

“Ah!” Remus winced and Sirius pulled back.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine.” Remus said. He inconsistently pressed his hand to his side. Sirius could see a bruise darkening. He should have noticed it before. This was still the full moon after all.

“Sorry,” he said. “Do you want-”

“Sirius.” Remus breathed. Then he kissed him. Remus kissed him hard. His fingers curled in Sirius’s hair and pulled, just hard enough to hurt. The kiss deepened. Remus’s tongue pushed into his mouth and Sirius forgot to wonder who might’ve taught him that. He forgot everything beyond the two of them. Nothing existed beyond their bodies pushed together, roving fingers and soft groans.

Sirius let Remus pull him down onto the bed. It was hard and musty but Sirius couldn’t tell.  All that mattered was Remus, sighing softly as Sirius licked his neck, careful to avoid the worst of the wounds. He meant to say something, something sexy or profound that would convince Remus to keep him like this for the rest of his life, but all that came out was his name, over and over again.

Sirius wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that but the make out session ground to a sudden halt with the cheerful voice of Madame Pomfrey. Sirius dropped to the floor with a hard thud. He covered himself with the invisibility cloak just as she appeared from the trap door.

“How are you feeling, Remus?” She asked kindly. “I see you’ve made it to the bed, that’s a good sign.”

“I’m okay,” Remus said. Sirius was pleased to note he was out of breath.

Pomfrey looked him over skeptically. Sirius didn’t know how Remus could stand that kind of scrutiny every month. Finally she nodded. “You’re healing much better this month. We’ll keep you in the hospital wing tonight, just in case, but you should be back in class tomorrow morning.”

“Good.” Remus said. She retrieved his wand and robes from the dresser and watched with medical disinterest as he dressed.

“Think you can walk, dear?”

“I’ll try,” Remus said. With a small grunt, he pushed himself off the bed. Sirius’s heart stopped as he faltered on the first two steps. Could he stay hidden if Remus fell? His arms already ached to go and support him.

“Good lad,” Pomfrey said. Sirius watched as they disappeared into the tunnels. Remus turned back slightly, as if trying to see where he was hidden. His cheeks were slightly red but he had a vague look of fear in his green eyes. In an instant, he was gone.

Sirius let out a long sigh beneath the invisibility cloak. His fingers traced his bottom lip, where Remus had bitten him. Would there be a mark there? Sirius wanted a mark. He wanted some physical sign, to prove it happened. He’d just made out with Remus Lupin. Remus had sucked his lip, pulled his hair and guided him down into bed with him. It wasn’t a dream or a fantasy and it needed to happen again.

It needed to happen right now.

Sirius stood up, tucking the cloak under his shirt. James’d kill him if he left it in the Shack and Sirius wanted to be alive right now more than he ever had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I thought this would be 3 chapters? Were we ever so young?
> 
> Tune in next time when we hear what Remus over thinks about all this!
> 
> Brief word about the wards: Basically they're fixed so that humans can't enter and werewolves can't leave. Once the humans are inside, they're able to leave as a they please since nobody wants anyone mauled by a werewolf.


	5. Chapter 5

Remus lay quietly in his hospital bed, staring at the enchanted ceiling. Unlike those in the Great Hall, which showed the night sky exactly as it was, the hospital wing was a perpetual bright blue sky, except at night when it was filled with stars on a velvet blue background. He barely saw it now. His mind was still back in The Shack with Sirius.

Sirius had kissed him. Remus had kissed Sirius. They had made out. They’d rutted up against each other like animals until Pomfrey’s arrival forced them to stop.

He knew it happened. He could still feel the heat on his lips and neck where Sirius touched him, They could obliviate the last six years of his life and Remus would still feel those hands on his cheeks.

Except it didn’t line up with any version of reality Remus knew. He’d kissed a few people in the past, few and far between. Once, when he was still attending the muggle school in the little Welsh village where he grew up, Remus have been invited to a birthday party where the hostess insisted on playing spin the bottle. Last summer, a bored French tourist had found his entertainment necking him behind the gardening shed. Even a couple Hogwarts girls passed the odd Hogsmeade weekend making their crushes jealous with Remus Lupin. They never went beyond the initial liaisons, at Remus’s own insistence. Anything longer than an hour or two of fun was too great a risk.

Sirius was different. The very act of kissing Sirius shot electricity through his body, made Remus forget everything he’d trained himself to worry about. Sirius kissed him and Remus forgot about his aching body. He forgot he’d spent the last night as a wolf. He forgot about Snape and betrayal and every promise he’d made about keeping his friends’ safe.

For fuck’s sake, he’d bitten his lip. If he’d been stronger, he’d have rolled Sirius over and bitten his neck. He wanted to mark him, leave bruises on that pale skin so everyone would know-

Know what? What did he even want? He had literally never considered being with Sirius until their lips met for the first time. He knew Sirius was attractive. Coma patients knew Sirius was attractive. He was Sirius though. Sirius who finished his homework on the walk to the classroom. Sirius who tried to flirt with both Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout. Sirius who never missed an opportunity to make a pun about his own name.

Sirius who knew Remus was a werewolf and didn’t care. Sirius who turned himself into a dog so Remus wouldn’t be alone on the full moon. Sirius who watched him transform into a monster and kissed him afterwards.

Sirius who nearly turned him into a murderer.

 _What in blazes am I doing_? Remus pushed his fingers back through his hair. He remembered sallow skin and greasy hair disappearing down a long tunnel and the need to hunt, to rip and tear, thrumming through his body. He thought about sinking teeth into Sirius’s lip, pulling his hair taut in his fist. _I’m not separate from The Wolf. It’s in me, all the time. It nearly got out today._

_Monsters don’t get friends. If they don’t get friends, they certainly don’t get… Sirius Black kissing them._

But Remus had gotten so many things he never thought he’d have. He never thought he’d come to Hogwarts at all, let alone make friends who didn’t care about his condition. He never expected to enjoy the moons.

Could he have this too? Whatever this was?

Sirius.

Remus closed his eyes. He ought to be asleep. He ought to preserve his strength, study for his OWLs and focus on escaping the year with his friends and sanity in tact. He’d go back to Wales and Sirius would be in London. A few months apart and everything would go back to normal.

Even as he thought it, Remus knew they could never go back. He could never go back. Sirius Black fancied him. Sirius Black had kissed him and now Remus couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t stop wondering what they would have done if Pomfrey hadn’t appeared. He thought back to all of Sirius’s clichés about Gentlemen never telling and suddenly felt a surge of jealousy. He couldn’t go back to pointing out lipstick on his shirt collar like it was funny, or being ditched on a Hogsmeade weekend with a good natured shrug. He’d lose his mind.

Not that it would take much. Was he actually considering this? Remus had accepted that he wouldn’t ever get a family or anything longer than a one night stand. He had made peace with it. Then Sirius kissed him and all he wanted was to put his tongue down his throat. He was thinking about it right now, imagining ducking into an empty classroom and climbing on top of him. God, they hadn’t even ventured below the belt in The Shack. The Ass of Sirius Black was a minor legend in the corridors of Hogwarts and Remus could touch it.

He fell asleep without realizing it, head filled with Sirius.  He woke to Peter knocking over a vase of peonies and James telling him to shut up.

“It’s fine,” he said, sitting up. He hurt less now. Perhaps Pomfrey would let him sleep in his own bed tonight. “What’s the time?”

“Twelve thirty.” James said. He dropped a stack of parchment on Remus’s legs. “Notes from Defense and Charms. We’ve got another essay on Shield spells for Monday.”

“Joy.” Remus said flatly. “Where’s Sirius?”

“Here,” he ducked in through the far door, carrying a small package. “You slept through lunch. Brought you a sandwich.”

Remus hadn’t noticed the gaping hole in his stomach until Sirius mentioned eating. “Thanks, Padfoot.” Sirius nodded and sat down in his usual chair on the left side of the bed. He didn’t look different exactly, but Remus didn’t think he’d ever fully appreciated him before. Their fingers brushed slightly as he took the sandwich.  Sirius bit down on his lip.

Hoping James and Peter didn’t notice his blush, Remus forced himself to eat. James launched into a long diatribe about Quidditch and OWLs while Peter frantically reviewed his study guide. Sirius stayed quiet, beyond an absentminded affirmation whenever James posed a rhetorical question. Every time Remus looked at him, he was staring back. He smiled shyly and Remus found himself grinning back.

He looked exhausted. Handsome, always handsome, but exhausted just the same. The Moon took a lot out of them. Between studying, pranking, Quidditch and spending one night a month keeping a werewolf in check, it was a wonder they weren’t all in the hospital wing with him.

Yet Sirius was smiling at him. Remus had never seen him shy before. Something warm rose in his chest as he remembered those lips against his, only a few hours ago.

 _I want him._ The realization hit him harder than it had in the Shack. He wanted this… whatever this was between them. He wanted to make Sirius blush again, to mark him better than he had in the Shack.

 _Selfish… Dangerous._  They could get hurt. Hadn’t he learned from that godawful business with Snape, what they were both capable of? Hadn’t he promised himself that he wouldn’t make the same mistake again? _Remember what you are._

“Right, lads.” James stood. “Off to class. Feel better, Moony.”

“Right.” Remus nodded, embarrassed at the hoarseness of his voice. No one but Sirius seemed to notice. “See you tonight.”

Peter shoved his study guide into his bag and gave Remus as small wave as he followed James toward the corridor. Sirius stood as well, but hung back, looking at Remus.

“Can we…” he swallowed, “talk tonight? Privately?”

_I want him._

“Yeah,” Remus nodded furiously. “After the others go to bed.”

“Right,” Sirius nodded. Then he smiled again, absently pushing his hair away from his face. “I gotta go… Muggle Studies…”

“ ‘Course,” Remus said, unable to keep a straight face. “See you tonight.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. He hurried after James and Peter, stopping only once to glance over his shoulder at Remus.

* * *

 

Sirius wished he paid more attention in Potions. He’d have sold his soul and entire inheritance for two sleeping draughts at that moment. Peter and James sat, interminably awake, across from him and Remus. No one spoke. The only sound came from the turn of pages or the scratch of a quill.

 _Go to bed_. Sirius thought aggressively, half trying for a wandless Imperius. _You’re tired. Last night was the full moon and you’ve got Quidditch in the morning. Go. To. Bed!_

James just sat there, chewing on his quill. Sirius could see the top half of his parchment. He’d doodled Lily Evan’s initials at least three times, like he could conjure her out of pen and paper. _You can nurse an idiot crush upstairs,_ Sirius fought the urge to curse. _Some of us actually have a chance with ours!_

He had not, at least, started writing RL on every spare piece of paper though it was a near thing. Every so often, he’d catch Remus looking at him. Their eyes would meet and it was all Sirius could do to keep from jumping him. He’d been absolutely useless in Muggle Studies, in every class after Remus agreed to a private discussion. Even now, his notes seemed to jumble together and fade off the page. He wouldn’t be able to do a damned thing until he talked to Remus.

So James and Peter needed to go the fuck to bed.

Remus yawned and flipped another page in _The Essential Defense Against The Dark Arts_. Sirius glanced over, terrified that he’d lose his chance. If Remus went to bed first, there was a good chance they’d all clump up after him and they’d have to wake up at some ungodly hour in the morning. Or maybe he’d changed his mind and just wanted to pretend it never happened.

Sirius wouldn’t be able to stand that.

Then Peter yawned and he understood. Sirius waited a few moments to let out his own long, exaggerated yawn. James blinked hard and rubbed his eyes. He yawned and leaned over to check his book. The minutes passed with painful slowness. Just went Sirius thought he fight scream in frustration, James closed his text book.

“Right,” he yawned again. “See you in the morning, lads.”

“Night,” Remus said quickly. Sirius couldn’t suppress his grin as James headed for the boys’ dormitory.

Then there was one. Peter was doing his best impression of a rock, staring down at his notes in absolute concentration. Really, why didn’t he ever pull his psychic act when they needed him to? Sirius coughed loudly and glared meaningfully. Peter blinked at him. He jerked his head to the dormitory staircase and raised his eyebrows.

“Oh,” said Peter, after a long minute. Remus looked up, nonplussed. Peter flushed slightly and said. “I supposed I’d better turn into. Night all.”

They bid him goodnight. Sirius waited until he was absolutely sure Peter was gone. This moment deserved privacy. He turned back to Remus.

Remus smiled. “Hello.”

“Hi.” Sirius grinned back. “Feeling better.”

“Definitely.”

Sirius swallowed slightly. The urge to kiss him again was overwhelming but they’d agreed to talk first, damn it all. He stood up, hoping that distance might provide some self-control. “About the Shack-”

“Where you kissed me,” Remus said with a nod.

“You kissed me back!”

“Yes, I did. You’re blushing again.”

“Well,” Sirius said. “I don’t- that is I- I’d like to do it again. Not just in The Shack but- you know-”

“Yeah.” He took a long slow breath and looked at Sirius. He wasn’t smiling anymore. Sirius felt a sudden cold in his bones. Remus looked worried. He looked like he was going to back out and Sirius couldn’t- he couldn’t-

Then Remus exhaled and said. “Me too.”

Relief flooded through his body. “Really?”

He nodded. “You’re very… persuasive, Sirius. Terrifyingly so.”

Sirius grinned.  Turned out snogging every willing partner since third year paid off more than all of his classes combined. He really ought to get his tuition back.

“Just one thing,” the scarred boy glanced up to the dormitories, “Can we… keep it between us? I’m not embarrassed or anything! I just don’t want it to be a whole… thing, you know?”

He did know. It was new and weird to like anyone with this level of intensity. Add to that, they were both boys and they were mates. The gossip would be intolerable. “Sure. It’s private anyway.”

Remus smiled, clearly relieved. Sirius sat down again, this time draped on the crimson arm of his boyfriend’s chair. “Think we’re safe now?”

“Safe enough,” Remus grabbed him by his robe and pulled Sirius down into the chair. They kissed. Sirius couldn’t say exactly who kissed whom but Remus’s tongue was in his mouth, his fingers in his hair, and who cared who started it? The point was there’d be more.

They continued on like this for a few pleasurable minutes before Sirius pulled back. “Peter knows.”

“What?”

“Peter knows… about me anyway.” Remus blinked and frowned. “Are you angry?”

He kissed Sirius instead of answering, which could qualify as an answer itself. “How’d he find out?”

“Apparently I’m obvious.”

“Not to me,” Remus said. “The idea never occurred to me until you kissed me in The Shack.”

“You must be oblivious then,” Sirius pushed soft brown hair away from his face. “I’ve been obsessed with you going on two months now.”

 _Probably longer, only I didn’t realize it until I thought I’d lost you._ Sexy as Moony was when he was properly pissed off, Sirius never wanted that ire directed at him again. He never wanted to deserve it again. He’d always been protective of the scarred boy, ever since he first noticed the monthly “illness”. Now it felt different. Sirius felt different. Now he held Remus in his hands and he’d cross the entire world to keep him there.

“Sirius,” his own name sent a shiver down his spine when Remus spoke in a cross between a moan and a whisper. His hands were on his back, clutching his robes to pull him closer. “Wish we’d done this sooner… not waited ‘till the last three weeks of term.”

Sirius swore violently and Remus laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review! Thanks!


	6. Epilogue

Remus woke up late on the morning of the full moon but smiled anyway. Over the summer months, he could pretend it was normal teenage sleeping in rather than his body preparing for the transformation. Plus his dreams had gotten much better in the last few months. He still dreamed of The Shack, only now he dreamed about kissing Sirius, not trying to rip anyone apart.

The last two weeks of term had passed in a pleasant blur. They alternated between frantically studying for the exams and sneaking off to make out at every passing opportunity. Remus wondered if his performance suffered because he spent more time with studying Sirius than serious studying. He couldn’t bring himself to care very much.

Then came the end. They rode the Express back to London in easy companionship. Remus and Peter had a game of gobstones while James told Sirius to come to the Potters’ house as soon as he could get away. They didn’t actually say much to each other but every time Remus caught his eye, his heart broke just a little.

Then they were at the station, with Sirius’s imposing family waiting on the platform. Padfoot’s face fell the moment he saw them.

“Thought we’d have more time,” he muttered, half to himself. Remus felt the soft brush of long fingers on his wrist before Sirius thought better of it and jerked his hand back.  He wasn’t able to stop the pang of hurt. Sirius was right of course. Walburga Black noticed everything and she had three months to take it out on Sirius. He’d wished them a good summer and disappeared into the cloud of his family

That was nearly two weeks ago. Since then he’d received nothing from any of them. That wasn’t exactly unusual. James and Peter were both useless at writing letters and Sirius’ mother read all of his. Besides, Remus wasn’t expecting anything. They’d spent a very enjoyable two weeks together which was about how long any of Sirius’ obsessions lasted. Remus wasn’t going to pine away his summer over two weeks. He wasn’t going to make it weird when they got back to school either. If Sirius wanted to pretend nothing happened then… nothing happened.

“Remus, dear,” his mother knocked at the bedroom door. “Are you awake? Your breakfast’s getting cold.”

 _Oh right, I’m starving_ , Remus remembered as his stomach grumbled. He got up and pulled on a dressing gown before heading to the kitchen. Hope Lupin was still waiting outside his door. She kissed him gently on the cheek.

“It’s so nice having you home,” she said cheerily. “C’mon we’ve got eggs and kippers, and some bacon if your father hasn’t finished it off.”

“Okay, Mum,” Remus smiled.

His father was almost entirely hidden behind his paper. He greeted his son with a noncommittal grunt. There’d been another attack in London, suspected to be tied to Death Eaters. Remus filled his plate high with eggs and bacon, snatching a roll as well. Hope puttered about with the tea things, filling him in on village gossip that she’d already told him about when he first arrived home. Outside, a dog barked.

Remus paused briefly mid chew. He knew that bark.

 _No,_ he thought with a swallow. _No way. It’s someone else’s dog. There’s no way he’d-_

But there he was. There, with his great black paws on Hope’s window box, tongue lolling, was Padfoot.

Sirius Black.

Remus nearly choked.

“Alright, dear?” Hope asked, obviously trying to hide her concern. She always fussed more than usual at the full moon.

“I’m fine,” Remus said. Sirius barked again, louder this time.

Lyall Lupin glanced up from his paper. “What on Earth? Shoo! Go home!”

“I’ve got it,” Remus said quickly, wiping his mouth.

“Remus, he may be rabid,” Hope warned but Remus shook his head.

“No, I know this dog,” he said. “I’ll just change and send him back where he belongs.” He glanced out the window but Sirius had already disappeared.

“Good lad,” Lyall said, returning to his paper.

Remus slipped back into his bedroom and opened the window. Sirius Black, human now, crawled in with a grin and a tumble.

“Alright, Moony?”

“Alright,” Remus hoisted him up by his rumbled t-shirt. Some muggle band. “What are you doing here?”

“ ‘S the full moon,” Sirius said, as if there could be no other explanation.

“Oh,” Remus said, “but-”

But Sirius was there, watching him through bright grey eyes. And he’d missed him, even if they never made plans to see each other over the summer. He missed them all, every full moon, but of course they couldn’t give their parents’ the slip every month. He never expected them to help him in the summer.

But Sirius came.

“Oh,” he said again. Sirius closed the space between them. He didn’t kiss but wrapped his arms tight around his waist, burying his nose in the crook of his neck.

“Missed you,” he whispered into his skin.

“I missed you too.” Remus said, stroking his long black hair. “How did you-”

“Knight Bus,” Sirius said and kissed his neck.

“Your parents-”

“Really don’t want to talk about my family right now, Moony.” Sirius said.

“Fair enough,” Remus pulled him back and they fell onto the bed together. Sirius grinned down at him. Remus grinned back. The morning was shaping up beautifully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All done!  
> Hope you enjoyed it! I love your comments and Kudos. Please check out the other works in the series!

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the Wolf Star Fix Fics but can be read on its own.


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